How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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