So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
