Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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