I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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