I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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