Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
