I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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