Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize