If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
