She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
