no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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