I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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