did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize