I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
