YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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