Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
