This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
