The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
