i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
