I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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