another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
