you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize