consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
