Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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