somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize