You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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