Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
