I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
