so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
