grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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