you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
