Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
