that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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