I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
