She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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