your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
