You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
