1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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