In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
