i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
