so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
