I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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