alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
