I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
