we made out on top of his cat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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