Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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