he wants to bone in the snuggie
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
