i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
