Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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