I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
