So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize