Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize