I think I won the penis lottery.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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