just come out here and I will go home with you...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
