Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
