your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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