I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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