ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
