Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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