Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
