Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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