so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
