no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
