oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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