I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
