Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
