Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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