Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
