Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
